Monday, August 22, 2005

limericks and hate.

Prepare to be enthralled dear readers, (vaudevillian jig-dancing and man-whistles commence...), for tonight you will hear things that will alcoholate, barbituate and titillate you (Yes I realize those words are used incorrectly, stop being a gramma-hater.)
Firstly, I am going to write down a list of things/people I hate! Pessimistic? You're calling me pessimistic? A pox on your house.
Whatever, we're all going to be dismembered and ritually devoured when the aliens come anyway. Thanks Tom! Scientology makes so much sense! And post-partum depression CAN certainly be cured with some good old-fashioned missionary sex and Flintstone vitamins!
-I hate it when:
-----people ask me to rub sunscreen on their backs. So does Eliza Wright, in fact, I stole that "hate" from her. Sorry Eliza, I just am too sunny in my disposition to really hate things! (insert annoying LOL symbol thingy here.) :):):):0
-----people use stupid web lingo like LOL and TTYL. Don't tell me to "laugh out loud," mutha fucker. Go play Snood. Or google image Carmen Elektra some more, I'm sure the first 120000 attempts were "grainy."
Whew, too many hates to talk about. I feel a little like Linda Blair when she projectile vomits split pea soup. Too much or not enough? Ahhhhhh, just right.
Ok, I wanted to insert a photo of the veggie-spewing delight here. Alas, my computer is like a fucking petulant stepchild. If only I had some method of insuring mechanical pain. I'll learn you somethin' laptop! So you think you're better than me, do you? Well, your mother was a whore! She shared files all around town. Um, her hard drive was floppy? Ok, I really don't know computer terms well enough to make this a funny scenario. But I do really want to whack the bejeezus out of this thing.
Sooooooooo, I added an old work of mine above. It's an installation at Skowhegan. Painting on the walls and yada, yada.


Corny said...

woah! wholey fuckamoley, that mural is wild. What's it painted with?
I'm going to Skowhegan next summer, hope theres some cool shitski like that happening. My luck it'll be me and 40 straight white men painting airplane interiors and such

Minimonk said...

Love the blog! Your life sounds intriguing....Austin must be a great place to be young and an artist...keep up the great work!

Ali Fitzgerald said...

Corny---It was made with the help of acrylic, ink, and a few pot-induced visionquests. And blooooooooooood.
Ok, not blood.

40 white men painting airplane interiors? Sounds like a fiery aeronautical fiesta to me!
P.S. You are my FAVEorite in a non-single-white-female sort of way. Or in that way. Whatever.

Alainicus said...

My favorite entry yet! Oh, for love of smashing computers and all sorts of man-made pish posh snotty crap! We should all be naked and make pottery. Oh, glorious nudity and veganism! I really loved that entry. Seriously. But I don't like vegans. Sorry you freaky artsy twitfaces. I love me some STEAK.

Ali Fitzgerald said...

And I love you "Alainicus." Is that Greek for Carnivorous love machine?

Alainicus said...

Oh, Ali...YES.