Friday, August 19, 2005


When I was but a small lass (in the wee hills o' Virginia Beach ), I wanted desperately to join the girls scouts. I would have even joined the Brownies (with more than a little disdain but still). Seriously, don't be fooled by those tricky "Brownies." Contrary to their spongy, nutty-sounding name, they ain't got no confectionary nuthin'. Oh, so I'm too old to go to the meetings now? Get something besides soggy carrot sticks you cunts in training.
Whew. I just. Hate. Those. Bitches. But alas, my mother was a naval commander (and frankly, a little butch) and would not allow me to frolic amongst my saccharine sisters. Sooooo, she made me join Tae-Kwon-Do instead. Here is what I learned: how to do a really offensive feaux Korean accent (think the Karate Kid meets Rainman), how to "booby-punch" my sister until her lil' mammary glands swelled up like bath toys, and who could forget the classic, "how to kick tiny anglo boys in their freshly formed biscuits."
Yes, I learned a lot from that asian shopping center in VA. But if I was in the Girl Scouts or a part of some other "let's commune with hedgehogs" type of naturey shiznit, I am convinced that I would have learned this:








P.S. Am going to AMOA for 22 to watch. Should be loverly. Had to beg for tickets. Don't they know that I'm integral to the arts scene? Who else is going to dribble merlot on themselves while garbling about reality t.v.? No one, that's who.

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