Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Hello Bloggalicious Bloggy McBloggertons,
Tomorrow I have an opening at the new, uber-fantastic, ultra-orgasmic Gallery 3! (disclaimer: there is no "artgasm" guarantee.)
The show is called "No Place like Home," and stars myself, Erick "I copulate with Caribou" Michaud (he is a cannuck after all), Jarred "Mormon-Monster" Steffensen, and Dave "No nickname needed" WOODY. His name is WOODY. Like "wood."
And what's funnier than a Fir tree? What elicits more cackles than a cactus flower? Plus, his name makes one think of a certain body part...That's right, the lower intestine! (disclaimer number 2: stop reading after disclaimer number 1.)
Seriously, what causes canker sores? Why do they target me? Do I have Dirty Mouth Syndrome? Is my mother right when she says that I talk like two sailors combined...who happen to be Richard Pryor and John Macenroe...on a cocaine bender together...with speech impediments and minor rage problems...who just watched the "Sopranos" for 24 hours straight?
Fuck no. I'm a mutha fuckin' saint and that assface should be feeling that. (disclaimer number 3: my mother is not an "assface." Her face is quite lovely in fact. It does not resemble an ass. Although at dusk she does look a little like Dustin Hoffman.
From "Tootsie," not "Rainman.")
I'm sorry mommy. THE CANKER MADE ME DO IT.