Monday, September 12, 2005

RANT ALERT!

Ok, there are some things I need to get off my chest:

1.) I heart my chest. Cumbersome and unwieldy though they are, I love my lil' Patsy (left) and Edina (right.) I love them despite the fact that I cannot wear clever tee shirts, because the logo inevitably gets warped. I was wearing a Michael Bolton t-shirt the other day and I swear it ended up looking like Corky from "Facts of Life." I guess I don't need to explain further, just know that his face was very compressed. All thanks to the twins.
I guess that part of my body will never be as irreverent as the rest of me. Although don't get me started on my shins, they are just too damned snappy!

2.) I hate pets. Some kid brought in a hairless rat to class today and I thought I was going to projectile vomit my mango smoothie all over the room. It was so fucking unnatural, I can't even tell you. I felt like its little black eyes were boring into my skull. Those things belong on a 14th century rowboat with the rest of the bubonic-plague carriers.

3.) I google everyone. Seriously, EVERYONE. If you're reading this, I googled you. Yes, you.
I really shocked this professor today by mauling her in the mail room. She had no idea who I was, and I feel that I revealed my penchant for online stalking. Sara said that she was probably "in the zone," because she was making copies. But I think Sara is full of shit.

4.) I hate it when people talk about their dreams. Unless I'm in it. And on the back of some flying saucer getting probed or something. But mostly, if it didn't happen, I don't give a fuck.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are a ranting machine. Why do you complain so much about your boobs? They are boobbariffic.