Sunday, November 27, 2005

Carnie vs. Cassie

Mmmmmm, clean livin' feels good. I went to the gym today. To give you some context, the last time I worked out Nick and Jessica were still in newly nympho-ed marriage bliss. Now I am "Healthy Ali," purveyor of parsnips (what is a parsnip really? I actually have no idea....I am a SLAVE to alliteration I tell you...). I owe the brand new me to pilates, the Kabbalah, and the mellifluous vocal stylings of Carnie Wilson. Carnie was on 20/20 recently, she done plumped up again. She better watch out for those ham sammiches lest she meet the same fate as Mamma Cass. Cass was somehow cooler though right? She really had a handle on the whole morbidly obese "thang." Carnie is a much diluted version of that kind of self-loathing fueled eating. She is, ironically, "Cass Light." Fewer calories, but she can't rock the cellulite the same way. Anyway, I have not had a cigarette in almost 3 days. Mom, I know you're proud. We'll see how long my impulse control will last tomorrow in the mornin'time. To make up for my discipline in this arena, I will have to relinquish control in others. I guess I WILL get that fancy clavicle tattoo that I always wished for. It's going to say: "This is my clavicle. It's far enough above my chest to be classy. Heath Huxtable 4-EVA."

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