Saturday, December 24, 2005

I am on the Geriatric Peninsula, AKA: Hilton Head Island, AKA: The Land of a Thousand Wheezing Angela Lansburys. Everyone with a walker and a dream retires to Hilton Head, although exactly why they relocate here remains to be seen. Or does it...
It all started with the great Amish Exodus of 72'. Those cwazy, bonneted, milk-spurting butterheads strapped all their old folks to Shetland Ponies and sent them to South Carolina. It seemed preferable to their former solution for old age which was DEATH BY BARN-LOWERING. It was all a little too "Oz" for the friendly wheat-sniffers (can you tell that I know nothing of the Amish?).

Anyway, I don't see why old f**ks flock here, I mean everything is made of wood, there are lots of tandem bicyclists, and alligators often eat small dogs. The alligators should eat the aforementioned lame-ass bicycle toting tourists instead! (cymbal clash and forced, awkward audience laughter). Who the fuck rides a tandem bicycle nowadays? I mean, besides Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger ! (cymbal clash reprised, band leader rolls his eyes).

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