It's really gross and gray in Columbia....like the decomposing carcass of a pigment-challenged smurf. Or the devilish insides of Dick Cheney's medulla oblongata. Or the wet french countryside in a noir film called, "Le Suck" (co-starring that ear-flapping cutie, Audrey Tatou!)
What the f@#$*?
I have no idea where that came from. I need to de-gore-ify myself so that I can be properly socialized. I'm like a fucking ape. Except not King-Kong, he's much heftier than I. It would be fun to terrorize cities though...Fitzilla!
Apparently, I have blogging tourettes syndrome (see above Smurf reference). Convulsing, I type happy face signs :) and "LOL" as my fingers begin to heave and foam. Then blood spurts everywhere. It's gooey too. Don't worry, it doesn't go to waste, I re-use it to stamp my many parchments and whatnot.
It's truly humiliating. Why have the gods damned me so????!!!!! Luckily they equipped me with a keen sense of irony and a delicate palette suited for cheese whiz and ramen. And Cheese Whiz Ramen, a delectable dish of my own invention.
Shit, President Monkeypants is on addressing the nation. I would never trust anyone with an upper lip that thin. It looks like a tapeworm for Christ's sake.