Sunday, March 05, 2006

I have been trying to clean my apartment all day, and I swear to god that it is only getting messier. The dustballs are copulating en force. It is the Studio 54 of dirt. It is like my dirt-pile consists of a couple of Chai-O whores tonguing each other on a pool table. The crowd just keeps getting bigger and bigger no matter how wrong and awkward it is. And the Chai-O dirt pile just shrieks "Woo" as it downs another apple-peach-pineapple-guava fusion martini.....
Hmmm....All my metaphors are the same aren't they? I need to work on being edgy without utilizing strange yet obvious sexual euphemisms. I mean really, this blog could be a lot more family friendly. So, that said, I am going to rewrite my previous analogy (concerning my messiness) using a pack of rascally kids we all know and love: the Peanuts gang!

I feel as though I am preordained to be that little kid on Peanuts who always has a shitcloud following him. Shit...I said shit. Well, on second thought, I'm much more "Lucy" anyway. We are both sassy and love to kick pianos. Although neuroses-wise I think I am Charlie Brown. Remind me to shave my head and get a Cosby-esque zig-zag patterned sweater vest. I would also like to sleep on top of a doghouse a la Snoopy (did Snoops ever have a chiropractor? He slept on top of shingles for Chrissakes). Or I could be the token black kid who was bused in during the topsy-turvy seventies. What was his name? Oh yeah, no one gave a shit because he was so poorly developed as a character. Curse you Shulz. And what was with the faceless, nameless piece of meat, "the little red-headed girl." I bet Charlie was a klanmember. And I think he probably was a bobble-headed doll fetishist. Ew Chuck.

No comments: