I have constructed a homemade eyepatch that consists of wet cottonballs attached to a pink striped thong. I'm SO not kidding, if I had a digital camera, I would insert a pic here. I even made myself LOL.
My eye fucking hurts. Not only do I have pink eye, but I have something called a "Chalazion" (sounds very exotic, no? Like the name of a special breast massage by a well-oiled hawaiian). In truth, a Chalazion is a stye inside my eyelid. Waaaaaaaaah, I'm a baby. Frankly, I cannot feel too bad for myself seeing as how I haven't removed my eye makeup in about 5 years.
I should really be like cartoon Rasputin, with a drooping removable eyeball and hollow sockets. If I got a glass eye, I think it would have tiger striped patterns on it. Or it would be some kind of disco ball that whirls around in my head whenever a BeeGees song plays. Or I could get a mechanical eye thingy like the pseudo-nazis had in "City of Lost Children." Or I could get a sqaure eye that also fuctions as a dice game for rockin' cocktail parties.
I am bored and watching Kill Bill volume 2 (or half-watching rather). Alaina, I still hate you. I'm going to buy you some fucking crack and watch you hook for money.