Saturday, August 12, 2006

I started a mural at UT. It is a redux of Masaccio's whole "expulsion from Eden" thang. But the main characters have changed: mine stars a black Steve Buscemi and an overly pinkified Margaret Cho. After being expelled from a paradise that consists of cocaine snowstorms and costant coitus, the two find themselves in an antiseptic wasteland. This new world is full of overwrought art projects and desks that pinch their tweeners. It is a cruel reality that is governed by longhorn slave-traders and dry librarians with vericose vein faces who say "C'mere Sweetie" as they baptize people with reptillian spittle (Notice: Edith at the circulation desk, I don't like you like that).

With the help of a very special kitty, Busci-Adam and Cho-Eve outrun their captors and jump aboard a pirate ship. There they stow away until a one-eyed sociopath named James Stymie of the Bay area, catches them. After a mildly awkward threesome (who knew a peg-leg could do that...) they reclaim their freedom and their ability to git booty. Unfortunately they have wood rot and splinters in their baby-making places. Therefore they can't procreate and the whole world goes to shit.

The nihilistic and excessively sexual end.

Ahem. To create the aforemetioned mural, I have to use scaffolding, which is terrifying and piss-inducing and makes me cringe every time I am forced to waddle noisily across it. To make matters worse, I had to help build it. I have never fucking heard of "Do it Yourself Scaffolding." That's like a "Do it Yourself Amputation Extravagaza." Everyone bring their own stenciled, monogrammed tourniquette! What's in the party bag? Why it's Gangrene! It's the best, yellowest party favor an extremity could ask for! Limbs all around!

But the scaffolding is very cool-looking and I feel like a bad-ass of sorts. Becca is going to help me paint the top of the wall because I refuse to ascend to the next level.
In other news, I have an opening tonight at the CRL. Blah, blah, I know you're sick of me, so what? Ok, truth time: I am weeping right now. Undereath my cool exterior I am really quite tender. Like a very hard but sweet melon. I am a Honeydew at heart. And I am part of your recommended daily breakfast. So eat me.


Z said...

Where at UT? Is it open to see, or do you have to pay tuition?

Minimonk said...

How did Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel? Did he have to build his own scaffolding do you think? Please be careful- your fans need you as do I!

Bob said...


Did you and Arturo make the NYT last Sunday? I think you are "fit to print".

Have you got any new works for sale?

Ali Fitzgerald said...

Well, the piece comes out this Sun. the 27th. I do have new works for sale from my San Antonio Bungalow exhibit. Lemme know if you'd ever like to see any Bob/ Z--You have to pay my tuition to see it.
It's at the old Blanton entrance and is definitely open for anyone to see.