Friday, March 16, 2007

I Think I'm Insane.

Things I love:
"Fatal Attraction" starring the stunningly Schizophrenic Glenn Close. Seriously ladies, if you're going to be all stalky n' shit, I think you should really do it up right, Glenn-style. Self-induced bleeding so that a married Michael Douglas will stay the night? Yes, that's the perfect way to showcase your career-woman-of-the-80's status. Yay, women's lib! Yay 9 to 5! Yay Lily Tomlin! Yay Dolly Parton! Yay Dollywood.
Sidenote: someone once convinced me that there was a rollercoaster at Dollywood that had cars modeled after Dolly's breasts. Again, I was convinced that there were boob-shaped cars. Maybe with a weighted nipple for faster headwinds...or something. Ok, I don't know what headwinds are.

Unfortunately, I came face to face with flat-chested southern disillusionment. Can we say "wasted trip to Nashville?" Can we say "crying all night in a Tennessee motel that smells like hog and waffles? Can we say losing your virginity to an aspiring slam poet at the "Tennessee Hog-Swilling/Spelling Bee?" Can we say 'patronizing blog tone'?" Can we say "broad, disgusting generalizations about a state"?"
Other things I love:
Cleaning my ears out with a q-tip. Yessssssssssss'm, that feels good. I look like a little martian walking around the house with my two beloved cotton friends peeking out from my ears. I love cottonlovers. Maybe I should put out a personals ad to that effect. "I love cleaning out the excess goo of life, does someone want to burrow down the slick (and sometimes waxy) canal of love with me? I'll pour Hydrogen Peroxide on you."
Lastly, I love chocolate. Boring maybe, but oh so true.

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