Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Starting tomorrow (or some tomorrow-ish day) I am going to scan a new book-type-thing (isn't my attention to detail startling?) and try publishing one panel a day for a while. It's about a girl who lives inside a shark. I call her Sharky. No, actually her name is Shandra, which, as a name, has all the fun alliterative associations of the word"shark" without actually saying it. Fun.
Ok, on a real note, I am going to list things that I've applied for and am not going to get. You might be asking, "Why wouldn't you get them Ali? You are a groovy image-maker, and your writing/drawing is so subversive (which is completely hot right now) and besides which, many people (including an astute Taco Cabana employee) have said you resemble Debra Winger, which makes you a stone-cold fox."
Well, I shall list the reasons according to the institution.

-Whitney Independent Study Program:
Not verbose or edgy enough, subject matter does not include sodomized Uncle Sam or fragile hypodermic needle constructions.

-CORE Program: Shockingly, I think I'm a little too objecty and too Texas for this program, which seems to get off on accepting only internationally born artists who deal with ephemerata.

-Irish MOMA artist-in-residence program: I'm not sure what this is all about, but it's in Dublin for 6 months and they pay you. Reasons why I will not get in: their last 2 exhibits were Alex Katz and Georgia O'Keefe. I do not paint big pastel, flat things. But my last name is Fitzgerald, which should secure me at least a second round o' lookin.'


Joan Mitchell Award: Fuck. Too modernist for some, too postmodernist for others.

Sexy Debra Winger Lookalike Fund for Sexily Unemployed Debra Winger Lookalikes
: I'm riding this mechanical bull all the way to the bank!


Jasper said...

I've always wondered how Debra Winger fit in the E.T. costume.

Ali Fitzgerald said...

Ha. That one made me laugh out loud actually.

Yogi said...

Yo yo, I wanna work inz the Paper Bag Facto-ree!