Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Starting tomorrow (or some tomorrow-ish day) I am going to scan a new book-type-thing (isn't my attention to detail startling?) and try publishing one panel a day for a while. It's about a girl who lives inside a shark. I call her Sharky. No, actually her name is Shandra, which, as a name, has all the fun alliterative associations of the word"shark" without actually saying it. Fun.
Ok, on a real note, I am going to list things that I've applied for and am not going to get. You might be asking, "Why wouldn't you get them Ali? You are a groovy image-maker, and your writing/drawing is so subversive (which is completely hot right now) and besides which, many people (including an astute Taco Cabana employee) have said you resemble Debra Winger, which makes you a stone-cold fox."
Well, I shall list the reasons according to the institution.


-Whitney Independent Study Program:
Not verbose or edgy enough, subject matter does not include sodomized Uncle Sam or fragile hypodermic needle constructions.

-CORE Program: Shockingly, I think I'm a little too objecty and too Texas for this program, which seems to get off on accepting only internationally born artists who deal with ephemerata.

-Irish MOMA artist-in-residence program: I'm not sure what this is all about, but it's in Dublin for 6 months and they pay you. Reasons why I will not get in: their last 2 exhibits were Alex Katz and Georgia O'Keefe. I do not paint big pastel, flat things. But my last name is Fitzgerald, which should secure me at least a second round o' lookin.'

Awards!

Joan Mitchell Award: Fuck. Too modernist for some, too postmodernist for others.


Sexy Debra Winger Lookalike Fund for Sexily Unemployed Debra Winger Lookalikes
: I'm riding this mechanical bull all the way to the bank!

3 comments:

Jasper said...

I've always wondered how Debra Winger fit in the E.T. costume.

Ali Fitzgerald said...

Ha. That one made me laugh out loud actually.

Yogi said...

Yo yo, I wanna work inz the Paper Bag Facto-ree!