Thursday, January 24, 2008

Teaching Figure Drawing is like this:
*Draw the naked person in front of you.
*Make his scrotum more scrotum-like.
*Explore the magnificent texture of his back hair. Have fun with it!
*I'm sorry his buttocks is twitching, in the words of Tim Gunn, "make it work."

My god, teaching this class is robbing me of my love of nudity. It just isn't the same anymore. It doesn't hold me within it's slippery, fleshy lovegrip. It's become so distant. Nudity: we're breaking up. Clothing: let's make it happen baby. I'll pour some Chardonnay and you'll cloak me in your heavy ill-fitting burlap. I don't want to see any flesh poke out baby. Just you and me and a government strength Navy Seal wetsuit.

In world news:
*I can't believe Heath Ledger died. And is Mary Kate Olsen implicated? Oh the intrigue.
*Glasstire seems a little less snarkalicious lately.
*I have an intern! Of my very own! She brings me coffee and lots of molding paste for my fake Boarding School.
*I saw Michael Ray today and realized how much I missed that guy. He intimated that he had heard weird rumors about me, but would not tell me what they were. He's kind of like that though. And he likes to freak me out. One time he told me cryptically that I reminded him of Garfield because I was "good at lounging." Of course, in classic girl-style I accused him of calling me fat. And I secretly wondered if I had a jaundiced yellow-orange tint to my skin.
*My friends Jade and Annelle are both engaged now. I am v. happy for both of them. Although it makes me feel like such a peter-panified makeout queen.


Dr. K. Ob/Gyn said...

Welcome to my world.

Ali Fitzgerald said...

I LOL'ed on that one.

Anonymous said...

Scrotums are hard.