Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Ich habe ein installation gemacht auf der Berliner Liste, und die vernissage ist hotte, aber du hast dieser gehort schon. Farfignugen. Birkenstock. Wolf Blitzer.

I know that I've expressed extreme discontent with, disdain for, and general bitterness towards art fairs, but I think I like Art Fairs in Berlin. Something is different. Maybe it's that I'm not being drunkenly trampled by coked out Murakami sycophants. Maybe it's that I prefer bratwurst to 13 dollar Cuban sandwiches. Maybe I just hate America.
Anyhoo, the Berliner Liste opens tonight, and I'm exhibiting with Extraraum. The space for the art fair is fucking amazing, period. I would live there. I would raise my children there. I would forgo my chastity promise in order to have children just to rear them inside this crazy old hotel. I am having a hard time even finding words to describe it. First it was a hotel, then a tax office---everything has a forgotten Art Deco meets Roccoco appeal to it. Dark wooden reliefs, bright purple hallways, a red carpet, winding staircases, non-functional fireplaces, faux tiled bathrooms with reliefs of Grecian goddesses, gray-green floors in all the rooms. Beautiful.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Willi put me on the guest list for the International Porn Festival afterparty, it wasn't nearly as debaucherous as I thought it would be, but here are some things I saw/did:

*Willi tended the bar in a scandalous unitard, with a really creative zipper running in all sorts of irrational directions.

*There were women (mostly Americans I might add) who donned pasties, had mohawks, and handed out sex-themed goodies and gum for 50 cents.

*There was a large plastic-coated bed in the center of the bar/warehouse, which apparently was well-used in past nights. Last night people (including myself) just stood on it to see the "Porn Karaoke." Luckily, one cannot get Gonorrhea through one's feet.

*"Porn Karaoke!" Enough said. My introduction to this particular art form made the whole thing worth it. The stars were a Brasilian couple who displayed impressive range with their homemade horror porn movies. I especially enjoyed some of the close-ups, so cinematic, totally Fellini-esque.

Afterward, I went to the "Ping-Pong Bar," a favorite of Vice readers and the superhip to hear my roommate DJ. This bar was really cool. the centerpiece was obviously a very large ping-ping table, with Germans rotating around it commie-style. Germans are v. good at ping-pong and even have ping-pong tables set up in public parks. The kicker: the tables are made of concrete. Hail Mother Russia!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Things I can't get enough of, or understand in any sort of aesthetic way:
German haircuts.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Well, I've been so slack about this blog. It's because I've been busy, busy, busy, not so busy, drunk, and busy.
Anyway, I'm working on my installation for the Berliner Liste Fair, which opens October 29th, and trying to stay on top of all the bureaucracy my job demands (somewhat unsuccessfully I might add).
My best friend Nicky, the Belgian dancer of my right aorta, left to dance in the Middle East for a month on a tour sponsored by Porsche and geared towards rich dance-hungry shieks.

I couldn't give him a copy of "Persepolis" or a plane-Xanax, lest his head be cut off. Did you know that bringing drugs, even prescription anti-depressants into Saudi Arabia can result in the death penalty? Oh Saudi Arabia, all the oil in the world means nothing without medicinal hand-holding.

I got over my one-week seasonal affective disorder, in part because it is warmer outside and I am busying myself with work. Also, I am staying part-time at Nicky's apartment, and he has cable! Thank god, I missed that little magic square who speaks to me more than I missed breakfast tacos, timely service or Federalist, mavericky attitudes.
Berlin is good, my Californian friend James and I go to this bar near our apartments called "Silver Future," which is fast becoming my favorite place. It has cheap drinks, and strategically placed felt on murals of naked ladies.
In a couple of weeks it will be art craziness with the Artforum Fair, and the two satellite fairs that accompany it (Berliner Liste and Preview). Maybe more, I dunno. I will really try to write about it, I pwomise.
*Also, I got a new digicam from my momz, so watch out, it's about to get a whole lot mo' visual up in this piece.
*Also check out Domy's Monster Show, I put a little something in it. Plus, I think it opens on All Hallow's Eve. Plus, Monsters are cool.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Things I am taking very seriously:

Devil Facial Tumors

Things I am trying to take un-seriously:

My job.

Things that come up when I google "Sarah Palin hell":

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Just saw Terence Koh at the tiny Vietnamese place in my 'hood. He started taking pictures of goldfish in the aquarium. It was so Terence Koh! He had on sneakers!

*I am a whore and need to stop reading Artforum Diary.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I'm teaching 4 English classes and one of them absolutely hates me. Not just the way I teach, they hate me.
One particularly onerous German woman just glares at me all German-like, visions of Durer's four horsemen trampling me into a winter sheath that she can then use as a tourniquette for my ego. She undermines me, sighs loudly and today wrote a review of me as "uninterresant und langweilig." That's uninteresting and boring for you Amerikaners.

Now, I have been called many things in my life, the C word, the B word, the S word (solipsistic).
But never have I been called uninteresting. Now, I know I don't compare to the thrilling German television programs such as "Hot or Not," or the emotive, theatrical way in which Germans electrify a room, but I'm not boring. Unqualified maybe. A little dreamy perhaps. Overly sensitive, yes. But for the love of Christ, I am not boring.

I analyzed Britney Spears using business terminology. Is she boring? Is shaving your head boring? Somehow, the assertion that I am boring rather than incompetent bugs me. Actually it all bugs me. I plan on living here for a while, so having this job is relatively important. But as Sarah Palin misquoted Madeline Albright as saying, "There's a special place in hell for women who don't support other women."
Go to hell Frau Gerlind.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

This week was the first time I've felt really homesick since I've been here. I think this is because of the following:

-The Bierhimmel, one of my favorite bars, played Bon Jovi all night long on Friday. I don't even like Bon Jovi, although I do have fond collegiate half-memories of shimmeying on Fraternity tables to "It's My Life."

-Actually having a job and the necessary waking-up-early-ness that accompanies it suh-xx. It's really impeding my arting, coffeeing, daydreaming and snogging. I've been getting up at 5:30, which is like insanely out of sync with this city of hopped-up beerheads. I've become all responsible-like. I took the subway to work the other day and nearly barfed up my morningtime Snickers when I stood next to these two men who were literally oozing wisps of Berlinner Pilsner. I was wearing a blazer too. A blazer of resentment. Aaaaaah, who am I becoming?!

-German people tend to be really reserved, which I appreciate, it's just that I'm quite reserved too, and I want people to hit on me. I just feel like no one cares what I'm wearing, you know? Loooook at me Germans! I exist!!!!!

-It is cold here. So cold already. It went from pleasantly brisk to a Dosteovsky novel overnight.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Sorry guys. I've been busy. I've been teaching English to Germullets, working on this:, writing a show proposal, and googling Sarah Palin obsessively. So, no time to blog unfortunately.
Did you know that regular ole' Sarah Palin killed 12 caribou, pleasured her man using only the barrette that holds her brainjunk together and rode a bedazzled Polar Bear all while approving underhanded legislation making little girls pay for their own rape kits? She's amazing. I'm so impressed with her multi-tasking. I tried to eat a candy bar on my way to work yesterday and it ended up in my shoe somehow.