First Question: When will the Winter of my not-really-discontent, but mild discomfort end?

My class informed me today that February is as cold and assholey as January.
Aside: I can't believe you hit on my sister January. I thought you were cool...but that was totally uncool...totally uncool.

After they alerted me of this protracted Winter, I had an instant urge to strangle myself with my hideous thigh dungeons. My Lycra sausage casing leg cells. My solitary calf-finement vehicles. My Ladyparts prison?
*"Long underwear" is what I was going for.

Second question: Is Hilary Swank hot?

I know what you think January...stupid asshole with a Chevy...all checking out my sister and Hilary Swank and passing off your douchebag torch to February. That's my month! My birthday's inside of it!