I've always been a tad socially awkward, straddling the poles of unnervingly confident to unnervingly quiet. Here, it seems my awkwardness has been magnified into a speechless Nell neurosis, as I have a habit of gargling out half-German/English hybrid barfwords, motioning without sound and slinking in corners to make shadow puppets with my own deformed hands.
I have a constant dialogue of shame going on in my head; "is she going to speak German to me? Will I be able to answer her? Will she laugh at my bad German and think I'm stupid? Did I just order banana juice instead of beer? Do my snow boots look ridiculous? Are the German people eavesdropping because I'm speaking English?" (the answer to the last two are invariably yes by the way).
Nicky says that I should just feel comfortable speaking English to people. It's ok. But, I am ashamed really. Deep down I think it's shameful to live in a place and be so disconnected from its language.
Appropriately, I am watching an incredibly bad pirated copy of Valkyrie right now, and omigod Tom Cruise is such a douchebag.
I don't know what the answer is exactly, but I do know that I should stop being such a pussy and talk to people in whatever language and stop acting like such a swamp-raised freak.
Also, I should really try and be more comfortable with the euro double kiss, it does draw attention when I shirk and squeal and try to escape some relatively harmless cheek love.